Show Me Heaven

Told by: Jen

Jennyfur Angel, Due June 8th, 2002, Grew Wings December 26th, 2001 Glory Michelle august 17,2009 Baby Bean, September 10th, 2010 8.3weeks Sweet Baby Cantrell Jan 21,2011 (ectopic at 5 weeks) Poppy Feb 15, 2012 (ectopic at 4 weeks) due Oct 23,2012 and 10 unnamed Angels (ranging from 4 weeks to 12 weeks) Over the past 14 years, I have held 18 precious little babies inside of me. I have been graced by 3 of them here on earth. The other 15 have grew wings and found their home above in heaven with the Lord. Out of the 15 angels I have looking down upon me, I only knew the sex of one, had named her & started preparations for her arrival. Many years ago, I contracted an STD, Chlamydia. I had it for 5 years before I had been diagnosed, so it caused a lot of damage to my uterus. September 2001, I had become pregnant, things went rather well but we knew that I would have to be careful due to the fact that I was high risk. In the following months, things continued to develop smoothly. I went to the doctor in the early weeks of December to check on the precious child growing inside of me & find out that I was having a girl. I was never so excited. As I left the doctors office & got into my car, the song ” show me heaven” was playing on the radio. The perfect song for my sweet little girl. I decided that since my daughters father was at work & could not be there for my appointment, I would go to the local flower shop & purchase him a single pink rose bud. When I saw him that night after work, I handed him the pink rose, without saying a word. He knew right away what that meant. He was getting his little girl, whom he had always dreamed of holding. We decided that we would name her Jennyfur Angel, Her father wanted her to be named after me. I called her Angel, seemed like the perfect name for my gift sent to me from heaven. We started gathering items for her right away, bibs, shirts, her first blanket, anything we thought would be prefect for her. The week before Christmas I decided to start telling my family that I was carrying a little girl inside of me, because I had began to develop a bump that was getting hard to hide. Christmas came and I went to visit with family put of town for a few days. Things were still going great with my pregnancy. The day after Christmas, I had allowed my stresses and anger to get the best of me, I walked outside to gather myself & get a breath of fresh air. Not paying attention, I slipped on a patch of ice and fell, right on my stomach. I knew right away what had happened. I felt the sharp pains in my stomach. I had felt those pains before. I was rushed to the hospital to see if there was anything they could do but it was too late… my little angel had become exactly that. MY ANGEL! She grew her wings and flew above to heaven to be there with all of my other children. 2 months later, I again became pregnant… 9 months later I had my son, Austin. Austin was a twin, but twin B grew wings 2/19/02 while i was looking at the sonogram machine the heart beat just stopped. Even though it has been 10 years since my daughter grew her wings, I only began to cope with the pain in 2008. Not a day goes by that I do not think of her, there are still times that I can feel her moving around inside of me. Now that I have my 3 beautiful living children, I know that my angels are watching over me everyday. I cannot wait for the day that I can join all of my babies in heaven. I know that they went to heaven to make preparations for my arrival, the same way I was making preparations for Jennyfur’s. 9/12/10. I suffered yet another loss. I knew deep inside that I was pregnant but I wasn’t letting it known to anyone (even my fiance) until I went to the doctor.. my appointment was scheduled for 9/20/10 …on the 12th I started feeling a lot of pain .. I knew again what that meant so I headed to the hospital & texted my fiance (who was stationed in Texas) to tell him I was headed to the doctor and that I was having a miscarriage… this came as a shock to him since he had no idea I was even pregnant. We talked about it and decided together to name our sweet child…. Baby Bean … My fiance deployed Jan 10th 2011… I found out Jan 18th,2011 that once again… we were expecting… I was more terrified than excited because I knew that I still had an IUD in and what my chances of another miscarriage were. I wanted so badly to tell him that we were pregnant but before I ever got the chance… I ended up in the hospital on Jan 20th with severe pains… well… I had all reason to be terrified… it was an ectopic pregnancy! When I did finally get to talk to him the next day I not only had to tell him that I was pregnant but I had to tell him that the baby was gone… and most recently, my fiance came home for 3 weeks in Jan 2012… we really were trying one more time to see if maybe God felt it would finally be our time to have a lil one. I Found out early Feb that I was in fact pregnant.. due Oct 23 2012. We were so excited. Feb 15, 2012 I woke up bleeding so I ran to the ER to find out… once again… Ectopic! I am crushed! Right now I am just trying to grasp the concept that again I have another precious angel. We named this sweet angel- Poppy. The pain of all my losses has been hard, especially Jennyfur and Baby Bean and Poppy but it has made me a stronger person and I cherish the time I do have with my living babies!

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This entry was posted in All Multiples, All Newborns / Diagnosis, Ectopic Pregnancy, Infertility / Recurrent Loss. Bookmark the permalink.

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