Jared’s Chair

Told by: Gina

I’m sharing my story as part of my healing process. I delivered my still born baby, Simon Jared just this April 20, 2012. Just two weeks ago. I was on my 32nd week when I was advised to get a Congenital Anomaly test because my doctor finds my baby a little small for his age. On April 2, my husband and I left the house before 8am so we can get to the clinic early and be home before noon time as we work during the night shift. The doctor arrived late and so even if we were one of the few who arrived early, we got to the ultrasound room at almost noon time. After the ultrasound was done, the Sonologist told us that my baby had several abnormalities. We were told that one foot was clubbed, that the baby seems to have dwarfism and that he has water in his brain. And he also was in breech position. We were asked to go back to the clinic two days after as the Sonologist would like to seek a second opinion. We were too overwhelmed with the results that we heard that we couldn’t react right away. It was only when we got inside the car that it all sank in. I was just crying and crying for hours. I know my husband felt so bad as well but he had to be the the strong one at that moment. I asked all my 5 siblings to go to my house immediately because I just need all the support I could get. And that’s exactly what I got. That night, before we went to bed, my husband and I prayed. We didn’t exactly know what to pray for, but we just prayed for strength and direction. The following day, we went to our church and we talked to the assistant pastor and his wife. They prayed with us and over us. We attended the prayer meeting that night and our head pastor and his wife prayed for us, as well. We prayed for a miracle. For all abnormalities to just be healed by God for all these sickness do not come from Him. Two days after, we went to the clinic again to get the result. This time we had peace in our hearts and were more ready to get the worst news. We were expecting to just get the printed result and an explanation from the doctor. However, when we got there the Sonologist conducted another ultrasound test with another colleague around. After that, they confirmed that my baby has a Cystic Hygroma at the back of his neck along with the previous findings. So we asked the doctor what we can do about the my baby’s condition. She then told us that the baby is not fit to live. The baby may die in my womb, or after I give birth. The result that we got only stretched our faith further. We continued to pray for a miracle although at some point, my husband and I were also open to the possibility of God taking our baby back. After all when we learned about my pregnancy, we offered our baby to God right away. We dedicated him to God. So if God gave us a son, He’s the only one who can take it back as well. When I visited my OB, we showed her the result. And being a Christian herself, she was hopeful that the results will be negative when my baby actually comes out. As she had previous experiences before when ultrasound results/interpretation did not come out very accurate. However when she asked me to lie down for the usual check up, she couldn’t hear my baby’s heartbeat. She took a good 15-20 mins of trying to look for it but there was just none. So she asked to get another ultrasound. And true enough, when I had another ultrasound check, it was confirmed that my baby no longer has any heartbeat. My baby expired inside my womb. That was April 14, 2012. When I got home, I asked all my siblings to go to my house again. They mourned with me. My husband called my doctor to inform her about the result because she was out of town that day. My husband asked if she can induce labor for me asap so as not to prolong my emotional agony. But my doctor advised that I’ll need to wait for me to go on labor naturally because if she induces labor, it might be too painful for me because the baby has not really moved really low to my abdomen. She also assured me that I should be fine as it would take as long as 2 months before a dead fetus can be toxic to the body. So for the next four days, I was just at home together with my husband, resting. On the 18th of April, I started to experience slight contractions. But the contractions were irregular yet. So for the next two days while my husband is at work my sister would accompany me at home. On Friday, April 20 the contractions became a little more painful than the last two days. I told my husband about it and we informed by OB about it. She asked us to go to her clinic so she can check if my cervix is already fully dilated. And when she checked it, she told me it was already open by 4cm. So she told to me to go to the hospital right away. Before we left, my husband instructed my OB not to show me my baby anymore. He knew that if I see my baby, it will only add up to my emotional hurt and will extend my sadness. As much as possible he wants me to have less attachment to my baby so I can move on as fast as I could. It was already past 7pm when we left her clinic. I got into the labor room probably past 9pm already. I only labored for a little over an hour. When the baby came out, as expected the legs came out first. And I saw my baby’s very tiny foot. Contrary to what we were told that one foot was clubbed, it was not. It took quite awhile for me to let my baby’s head out because of the Cystic Hygroma. At 11:22pm of April 20, Simon Jared left his temporary home of 34 weeks and went to his eternal home in heaven. 14 days has passed and not a single day that I would not cry over my baby’s demise. Although I couldn’t be happier that he was spared from the troubles of this world, still I am mourning over the loss of my first born. Most of the time, I wouldn’t want my husband to see me cry because he get’s very concerned and worried about me. All these time, he has been my constant support and encouragement apart from God. Our families have also been there to support us through prayers and encouragement. I must say that God have been very faithful to me and my husband all through out the last 3 weeks of agony. It was indeed a faith building experience for us. Because even if we did not understand why we had to go through such experience why God took our son that early, we know in our hearts that “the LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD.” Job 1:21 In preparation for my delivery, we saved up a good amount of money. But because of what happened, we only got to spend a little over half of our savings. So in loving memory of my baby, I bought a new couch using the remaining amount of our savings and called it: Jared’s Chair. My husband have been telling me that our story is a success story in the sense that we just surrendered everything to God. And that our story will also be an encouragement and blessing to others. I hope that those who read my story will be blessed and encouraged by our good Lord.

This entry was posted in 34 weeks, All Newborns / Diagnosis. Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to Jared’s Chair

  1. Kristin says:

    You have honored your son and the Lord beautifully. You have been of great encouragement to me! Thank you so much for sharing and your beautiful example of victory in the face of GREAT earthly sorrow. May the Lord bless you and keep you; May His face shine upon you!

  2. Amy Smith says:

    Praying for you and your family.

  3. DJ says:

    Tonight I just read the most moving story I’ve ever read. Part of me hoped that this story would remain to be something carved out from the confines and crevices of a beautiful, yet, haunting mind. And I am shaken to the reality of its truth and I am grief stricken most to know that the persons behind this story are faces, names and lives that touched mine. I pray for healing of wounded hearts. This story touched my heart in such a way that no words can measure the tears that fall. Thank you for being both an inspiration and a blessing to couples, mothers and to those who journey in faith. Thank you for sharing to me the story. And though I never got to meet the little one, I know that there is a cherub in Heaven who delights all the other angels with his beautiful voice. And I will tell Aki the story of Jared, your little angel.

  4. Dot says:

    First off I want to say I am sorry for your loss. I as well am going through a lose of a child. On April 13 2012 at 31 weeks we also found out that our precious girl Hayden serenity had passed away from a knot in the cord. I also cry everyday wondering what it would be like if she was here with me. Some moments I get overwhelmed with emotions especially when our other daughter asks us why she can’t be a big sister. I remind her that she will always be a big sister. But I am greatfull to have created life , to have that excitement when pregnancy test came back positive and that first kick. So many women try the whole life to have those moments. I believe my Hayden looks upon our family everyday and I just hope she knows how much we love her.

    • Gina says:

      I am blessed with what you said about being able to create life when so many others can’t. I am very much encouraged with your perspective in this situation. May God bless you for being His mouth piece to speak to me. Thank you.

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