My Perfect Princess

Told by: Sophia

I gave birth to my beautiful baby girl Juliana Paige at just 21 weeks. She was perfectly beautiful. I started having a few small pains about two weeks earlier and after rushing to the doctor knowing something was wrong, and after checking me out and my princess out my doctor smiled and said “both of you are perfect, just ligament pain.” Sunday March 4, 2012 I started having sharp pains but I associated it with the ligament pain. That evening I developed a slight discharge and decided I would go to work in the morning and call my doctor as soon as his office opened. In the middle of the night I woke up in excruciating pain but it would go away after moving around, at least for a little while; but by 6 am when I left for work I had a crazy amount of pain and it wasn’t going away. The discharge I had was a crazy amount. I went to work anyway. I stayed at work for 45 minutes but the pain was so often that I couldn’t even stand. This was my first pregnancy and I had no idea what was wrong with me. I went home crying and called my big sister. My big sister called me back immediately and told me my mom was on her way over that I needed to find my boyfriend. I called him and told him to pick me up I needed to go to the hospital. I called the doctors office on our way to the hospital (8:30 am) they told me to come there instead. I went in and finally was seen by my doctor, his first patient of the day. I remember being up and down before he came in when Juliana’s daddy started crying “you’re having contractions” I knew they weren’t contractions I just didn’t know what they were and I hadn’t felt the baby move in about 24 hours. I was scared. The doctor came in and I kept appologizing for coming in as I had pushed other appointments out and I had an appointment in 3 days. He laughed and said I was supposed to come in. He did the ultrasound first. Baby was growing, but had turned head down. He then checked me. He said something about the discharge after lifting the sheet. His face changed. He put his fingers in right about the time I had another cramp. His smile faded as he looked at me “you’re having a contraction” He told me that he needed me to be extra careful and sent in a nurse to help daddy get me dressed and back outside to go to the hospital. We were on our way to Labor and Delivery. My cervix had thinned 40% and my conctractions were less than 2 minutes a part. When I got to the hospital they had everything ready for me (my doctor called them before I got there). They were trying to stop the contractions. The doctor came in to give me an emergency cerclage but the contractions had not stopped and my cervix had thinned so much at this point he didn’t know if it would help. I didn’t care I wanted to save my Juliana. I would have stayed upside down in the bed for weeks if I needed to. I was given an epidural and layed on the table upside down again as the doctor prepared for surgery. But then the worst thing imaginable happened. My water broke. I remember the sound like yesterday and the doctor apologizing but that she was coming.  It didn’t take long for my perfect little princess to make her way into the outside world. A perfect girl, 10 1/2 ” long 14 1/2 oz. I wish I could have held her longer. Her memorial was beautiful. I go through her things over and over. I still think of all the plans I had for her. I talk to her. I sometimes hold my belly imagining she is still dancing there. I love her and always will. She is wonderful. I try to take comfort in the fact she is in heaven, but even that is hard to find comfort because I don’t want heaven to have her, I want her. She will always be my “perfect princess” .

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