Told by: Echo
I am 22 years old and have been pregnant 4 times but only had one successful pregnancy where I had my beautiful daughter just over 3 yrs ago. The first time I was pregnant I didn’t even know that I was until I went to the hospital for severe pain in my abdomen. I then found out I had a ectopic pregnancy. It was so horrible I had a hard time with this as I was 8 weeks along and they said I needed to have it removed. I seen the baby and heard the heart beat when they did the ultrasound and still to this day almost 5 years later it hurts to even think about it. I had it removed surgically I have a scar similar to those who have had a c-section I hate to even look at it but its there. My second pregnancy we were so happy to hear it wasn’t an ectopic we were looking forward to having a baby and Febuary 14th 2008 I went to my doctor for my first appointment for him to tell me that I was about 6 weeks but my baby wasn’t measuring any more then 4 weeks that I was most likely experencing a miscarriage. This was horrible news he said come back in a week and we will see if there is any changes that night I started cramping and bleeding I went to the ER they then confirmed what I already knew and I need to have a D&C. I was in the recovery room after the procedure was done and my friend then pregnant with her first baby came in all I could say to her was “at least I won’t be getting fat like you.” I feel bad for making the comment but I wasn’t the least bit happy about her being pregnant when I had seemed to have the worst time having a successful pregnancy. I then ended up pregnant a little less then 2 weeks later with my daughter. Though it was a great experience being pregnant and stuff I still hurt to the 2 babies I previously lost. I watch my little girl grow up and think the what if my other babies were here or at least my first baby….. My daughter wouldn’t have been if I hadn’t lost my second one and I feel bad that I think that way but its true in a sense. After giving birth to my daughter in November of 2008 I wasn’t the least bit worried about getting pregnant again in June of 2009 2 years after my tubal pregnancy I broke up with my then boyfriend of 2 1/2 years I had some issues with the break up and ended up in the hospital where they told me that I had a chemical pregnancy I was unsure at the time what that meant I had so much other stuff on my mind. I now realize those little things that could’ve been though it would’ve been harder seperating with a whole lot of children and luckily we only had the one child for those purposes its hard to think about the others. I have the hardest time not being able to express and now 5 years after my first and 3 years since my last loss I still don’t know how to cope with it. Nothing has been harder than facing this all alone I know very few people that have dealt with this kind of loss and that even know how it feels. I hate it more then anything as I am now married to a wonderful man that loves me more then anything in the world and loves my daughter as his own. We want another baby but I am sooo scared of having any more babies as I don’t want to lose another one. This is my story and I know it don’t compare to some but its my reality and it is hard!