Looking Up, Not Giving Up

Told by: Tiffany

I have been through so much in this short life so far. I have lost all 3 parents (my mother, father, and stepfather before the age of 17). I am now 25 years old and a mother to a beautiful stillborn boy. I was 19 years old when I found out I was pregnant with Sebastien (I regret not being able to name him, I was unconscious at the time). I endured a lot of abuse throughout the pregnancy due to the father of the child, not the reason for the stillborn. I was diagnosed with hypertension at the age of 12. When I was pregnant I was not on any medications for blood pressure. My boyfriend at the time, told me not to take any medications because I would hurt the baby (later on I learned he hoped that this would be the case); I listened to him thinking that made sense. I was 4 months along and developed preeclampsia- when a pregnant woman develops high blood pressure and protein in the urine after the 20th week (late 2nd or 3rd trimester) of pregnancy.

I went out to dinner with a friend and my boyfriend at the time, to a Mexican restaurant and ordered a cheese quesadilla. I went to the bathroom and fell on the floor from a horrible pain deep inside my chest area, not realizing that when you are pregnant, your organs move upwards for the baby. We decided to drive across the street to the Urgent Care I have been going to since I was a little girl. The doctor that saw me said I was experiencing gas pains and advised not eating spicy foods. Well let me tell you, a cheese quesadilla is not a “spicy food” nor did I eat spicy foods at the time because I did not like them. He also took a sample of my urine and concluded (not testing it or my blood, just looked at the urine) that I had a kidney infection. Three weeks later, I had seen the urgent care doctors 3 times, and they all told me it was gas pains I was still experiencing. Deep down I knew something more than that was happening to me. I had not slept literally at all those 3 excruciating weeks.

At 4:30am the 4th of January 2006, my boyfriend and father to my son, took me to the hospital (I was screaming in pain all night long). It was there that I realized I was in a horrible situation. The doctor on call immediately checked my blood pressure, blood, and my urine. It was shocking to see that my urine was the color of coca cola. It was so dark and scary looking. She came in a half hr later and checked it again, this time it was watered down blood. She also informed me that it was definitely not gas pains I was having, it was my liver and kidneys failing. Talk about being completely misdiagnosed and the doctor and urgent care clearly did NOT care. She informed me that this hospital did not have the equipment that I needed for what I had. I was not told what was going on until after they rushed me in an ambulance to another hospital, in fear that my BP would rise higher than it already was; 280/210. I was put immediately on Magnesium to reduce it and was told during the ride (45min) that I was not allowed to move my legs at all due to a possibility of my spleen rupturing.

Once at the second hospital I still had no way of getting a hold of any family members since my cell was completely dead and I had no charger with me. My sister and my other mom called every hospital around and finally found me. My other mom, Janet (my best friend’s mom) drove there right away. My aunt down in California came up that night on an emergency flight, and my sister flew in from Illinois the following morning. The doctors told them that I was dying and they needed to be with me.

This is where things get fuzzy for me. I don’t remember much because of all the medications they had me on. I remember them telling me that I had HELLP Syndrome and I was 12 hrs away from dying unless I delivered my son. I had a picc line put in my arm. It is inserted into one of these veins, (the basilic vein, cephalic vein and brachial vein) and advanced until it reaches the Superior Vena Cava, one of the largest veins in the body. Normally this procedure takes about 30min and is done in a sterile room. However, mine took 2hrs because my veins were closing and hardening. I was so full of fluid that my body looked like one of those latex gloves when you blow it up (someone decided to take pics of me in this state… still not happy about that). Somewhere in this time frame is where I don’t remember. I hallucinated when getting the picc line inserted from the Magnesium; spiders appeared and disappeared into the ceiling (I am deathly afraid of them, I might add). They induced me at 6:00pm and at 6:25am the following morning I had him. When the doctor induced me, I knew he was going to die. I did not have a chance to even think about what was happening to me or him, I was in so much pain and I just wanted it to stop. The moment he came out, there was no pain at all. It was amazing feeling. The first thing I said after delivery was “Now where’s my coke?!” (The previous day, Janet decided to bring a coke in the room and drink it in front of me.. I was so mad, haha).

I was hospitalized for 1 week. The doctor came in one time at the end of the week and told me that my blood levels were still not good and that she would come back in 6hrs and check them again. If they were not back to normal or close to it than I was to get a blood transfusion. I told her that it would not be necessary because my parents are in heaven watching over me and that they wouldn’t let me need one. She didn’t believe me. When she came back the 6hrs later and checked again, they were completely normal. She was impressed. They had never had a case like me before. The staff that I worked with cried a lot thinking I was not going to survive the day. I came extremely close to dying. In fact, I believe I did die I just didn’t flat line on the screen… I was surrounded by darkness and feeling like I was being sucked further and further from my body. I started not feeling my ex’s hand anymore and the whispers and noises I was hearing quickly faded away. I don’t know how else to explain it. I believe I was going to Hell. It was from then on when I got out of the hospital that I decided I needed to change some things in my life. I was headed down a very destructive path that would lead to death and in lonely Hell.

The day I got out of the hospital was hard. I could not really walk well because I was still so weak. My sister took care of me for the remaining time she was in WA. It was a Sunday I came home and on Monday I was having pains again. My sister was out getting my windshield on my car replaced, and my ex was too busy with some girl. I called my sister right away and told her the pains I was experiencing, she told me to call my ex and have him get me and take me to the drs immediately. When I called, he told me he couldn’t take me, he was too busy. I called my sister back and she rushed home with the car about 20min later and took me in. I had some placenta still in me that was causing my pains. They took it out and sent me back home. My sister paid for the cremation of my son and bought a couple necklaces with a little of his ashes in each. My best friend’s father built a box around the box of ashes they sent me. I kiss him all the time and tell him how much I miss him and love him. Today is the 4th of January 2012, he would be 6yrs old. I am thankful he is in Heaven with Jesus. There is no better place in this entire universe.

I am now married to my best friend of 14 years. He is amazing and I couldn’t be more blessed. Well, I could if we were able to have kids. Because of the HELLP Sydrome, I am likely to have major complications in every pregnancy from then on. The doctors have strongly advised against getting pregnant since I would be considered an extremely high risk patient. I pray all the time that my husband and I will be able to get pregnant. I want more than anything in this world, to be a Mother. I feel so empty in that area because my son was taken from me. But at the same time, I have no ties to my abusive ex and I am so happy. There is always hope for the future! Never give up and always remember that miracles do happen!