Hunter’s Brave Heart

Told by: Loren

My story being in Sept 2006 when my husband and I got married. My gramma passed away in Dec 2006 which really hit me hard, 3 weeks later we found out I was pregnant my due date was Sept 11,2007. I went to the doctors in Feb 2007 and they estimated my conception date was around Thanksgiving to the end of Nov we had no idea and I was not able to share our wonderful news with my gramma she would have been estatic. They did my first ultrasound around mid to the end of Feb and everything was good and the baby was on track. We went on April 19,2007 to find out the sex of the baby and the ultrasound tech told us the baby looked like it was sleeping and the new policy was they were not allowed to let us hear the heartbeat that had to be done in the doctors office, so they told me to reschedule my appt for the following week and make sure to drink orange juice before I came in, so we left and I got half way up the hall and said this doesn’t seem right I am going back just as I was walking back down the hall the ultrasound tech was coming to find us and said the radiologist just talked to our doctor and he wanted to see us in his office right away. At this point I knew something was off it was 9:30am and he didnt’ start office hours until 1:30pm so we went across the street to his office and waited about 15 mins for him which seemed like an eternity, he came in and we went into his office and sat down and he said “I’m sorry but you lost the baby, my heart sank he continued you are at 21 weeks and the baby died at 19 weeks, the umbilical cord became detached and it pulled all the organs out with it except the heart and it was too much for the heart to handle, the babys abdominal wall never closed which shows the baby has gastroscesious, there is nothing more I can do for you here I am going to directly admit you to the hospital under the care of another doctor who specializes in high risk pregnancy.” I have known this doctor my whole life he was the one that delivered me. I left his office in complete shock and disbelief, went home to get my things together for the hospital and just sat in the middle of my kitchen floor and cried for almost 2 hours I just couldn’t stop. We finally made it to the hospital and they had to induce me, the process started about 2pm I was in a wing by myself, around 10pm our new doctor came in she was amazing the first thing she did was came straight to my bed and put her arms around me and kissed me on the head and “its going to be ok we are going to get through this together”. It was a very long hall from there, at 3:20am the resident went to get the doctor it was time for the baby to be born, at 3:30am April 21,2007 our son was born weighing in at 4oz 7in, Hunter Richard. They took him to get pictures taken for the doctors records and for us, they wrapped him in a blanket and brought him in to us, I had asked that he be wrapped very well since I knew what had happened and I did not want to see everything. I held him for hours just staring at him and crying not knowing what to think. The priest from the church next came in a baptised him for us and we signed a consent to have an autopsy done. When the time came to take him away it was very hard for me to let go, I just couldn’t understand why. My mom called my cousin who is a funeral director to come to the hospital to get Hunter to be creamated(he is in a tiny urn in my livingroom and I look at it and think of him everyday). The hospital also sent us home with a box filled with pictures and a little blanket and tiny hat and little croceted sweater that he had on to take his pictures, I still have this put away. For 3 weeks all I did was cry and sleep I didn’t want to be bothered with anybody I just wanted to be left alone, I couldn’t figure out what I did for this to happen or why it happened, I put all the blame on myself and figured it was something I did wrong. We went to see the new doctor at 3 weeks for a check up and to get the autopsy results, she had informed us that Hunter did have gastroscesious but he also had Trisomy 18, and Amniotic Band Sydrome and said even if I would have made it the whole 9 months he may not have lived more than an hour, if he did survive he would have to have numerous surgeries and most babies with this diagnosis doesn’t live past their first birthday, and this was no way for a baby or any child to live and have to suffer at that time I knew it was the best thing that happened to him and this was a way for God to say I don’t want him to suffer. There is nothing that anybody can say to make you feel better unless they have been through this, people that try to make you feel better that have never suffered a loss just make you feel worse because they haven’t felt your pain. My theory is if you have never been through losing a child please don’t try to offer sympathy and say “it will be ok, I know how you feel, it was for the best” because you don’t know how I feel. Our doctor told us whatever happens happens this was in God’s hands and when the time was right for a baby he would let us know, I got pregnant with our daughter in July 2007 she is going to be 4 in March and very healthy but it was a very scary and stressful 6 months for me when I was pregant with her. We will tell her about her brother when she is older and can understand but for she knows she has a brother named Hunter who is an angel in heaven watching down on her. That is our story of our son Hunter, a day doesn’t go by that I don’t think of him. We had and still have a very strong close knit support group of wonderful family and amazing friends who have been there with us every step of the way and that have never let us down…

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