Letters to Leia

Told by: Angie

In January 2011, I had colon resection surgery to remove diverticulitis. Surgery did not completely remove all infection and I still have an ongoing battle with the disease. My husband and I tried for 6 years to conceive unsuccessfully. In March 2011, we found out I was expecting our miracle baby. I had a fairly normal pregnancy with just the regular boats of morning sickness. We were told that our due date was 11-11-11. How exciting. How lucky! How perfect. Then we found out that we were having a girl! Perfect Daddy wanted a little Princess to spoil. I started to do yoga, go to a healthy eating class every Tuesday, joined a moms to mom group in my town, went to prenatal classes. Had spent countless hours ‘puttering’ in the nursery putting final touches on her room. Had two baby showers. Purchased enough diapers and wipes to last 4 years, and outfits that she wouldn’t even ever have a chance to wear. I read every single pregnancy book and put belly buds on my stomach for her to listen to music. We started her RESP educational saving’s fund. All we had to do was wait 3 more weeks and our family would be complete. On Oct 3rd at 2:35 pm we found out that our daughter was no longer breathing. It was just a ‘routine’ ultrasound I requested because I was not feeling well. There was no reason for me to feel this way, I had no bleeding. No pain. Just a sick sense. I had to give birth to my first baby who was dead. I then found out she was breech. It wasn’t until Oct 6th at 5:42pm that she came into this world, weighing 4’11. My heart broke that day. I became a different person. I try to think of the good things that came out of having her in our lives. I now can’t take life for granted. I started having major panic attacks, and a tingling sensation in the left hand side of my body soon after she was born. It was weeks before I finally got on anti-depression pills and the pain went away. Stress does weird things to your body! We were lucky enough to find out that I had a placenta abruption . Not knowing would have made things harder to ‘try’ again. We know now that there is only a 10 percent chance it will happen again and we will have the best care possible moving forward. I would never wish this pain on anybody ever. I have photos of her that the hospital took, but we just looked at them a few days ago and not ready to share. Even though I am so proud that I did look and I want to share, just not there yet. I want the whole world to see my beautiful angel. Leia Sky went to Heaven on that day, but forever remains in our hearts. I started a blog for her back in May and wanted to document her life. I had no idea I would also be documenting her death. I hope that people will read my letter’s and ‘like’ the facebook page. Writing to her has been my salvation and the only thing that keeps me going. I want to also help anybody else that maybe feeling the same way I am but too afraid to talk about it. Thank you so much for this page I come here often and just now wanted to share..

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This entry was posted in 36 weeks, 37 weeks, 38 weeks. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Letters to Leia

  1. pamela says:

    thank you for sharing your story. i just experienced a placental abruption a little over 2 weeks ago. I was 38 weeks and our little Elizabeth did not make it. She is our 4th child and she is so sorely missed. I just thought I was having a good day today, but all i needed was for my neighbor to come over and just say she was sorry and i lost it. I’ve been reading so many blogs and experiences by women who have had the same thing happen. I’m sorry for you loss. It is a most horrendous thing to go through. Thank you again for writing about your experience and your Leia (beautiful name).

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