Told by: Dasha (day-sha)
Nine years ago my husband and I cut off our fertility, I had my tubes tied and he had a vasectomy. The reasons why are a whole other story :0) . 4 years ago my husband had a reversal and almost 2 years ago I had my reversal. So for 14 mths we had been hoping for another blessing (baby). We found out in June 2011 that we were expecting, we were so very excited, we really wanted this baby. As the weeks went along my hcg levels were slow rising and when I went in to have a u/s done , I was measured behind what I ” should” have been. At this point I should have been 6 weeks and I measured in the 4th week. They did not see any thing except the gestational sac. So we waited another 7 days and had another u/s done, this time no growth and still no sight of a yolk sac or fetal pole which should have been present at this time. I had no bleeding and no cramps either. Soooooo when I was supposed to be 8 weeks I went in for another u/s and at this point the sac still measured at the 4 week mark and still no evidence of a viable baby. I was told that I had a “blighted ovum” which in my case the baby never grew past 1-2 weeks conception and the sac stopped growing at 4 weeks gestation. I was told I could expect to miscarry at any time. I was DEVASTATED. “Why!?” I asked myself, “why me ?!!” At 9 weeks I started to spot and I chose to take Cytotec to make the miscarriage progress, instead of having to wait for several more weeks. I was told that 1) it would not be “any worse than a regular period” and 2) that I would see nothing because I was so early in my pregnancy. I was not treated very nice, I believe because of my age and the fact that I already have three living children. So this miscarriage physically was the worst pain I have ever been through other than birth of my other children. And I did pass the gestational sac, it looked like a little grey deflated balloon attached to a thick red clot. I bled for about 10 days, and now 29 days later I am having my first cycle. I think one of the hardest things so far is dealing with the responses people give, which is , they say nothing at all, they try to give me spiritual platitudes or act like its no that big of deal and hope that I hurry up and get over it, or the most hurtful is, it was just a early pregnancy it was not a “baby” yet, or the classic, you already have children. EXCUSE ME?! why, yes I do ! and they were wanted too just as much as this baby. I believe life starts at conception, I also believe that this baby is safe in the arms of Jesus, and that one day I will be given another chance at motherhood. Life is moving on, sometimes too fast for my liking, but I know with time my heart will heal. life is precious and it is not certain, I appreciate life in a way different way now that I never would if I had not gone thru this experience. Thank for letting me share.