[Site Creator’s Note: this is a compilation of posts clipped together]
Told by: Amy
One of our precious babies has a life threatening birth defect. We are faced now with planning a birth and funeral, all at the same time. Certainly, we are asking God for a miracle, but at the same time, facing the possibility that His answer for our Lamb will be “the ultimate healing.”
Never before has life been so bittersweet. We were intitially told that, though Baby A appears to be perfectly normal, Baby B has spina bifida–certainly a challenge, though not
necessarily fatal. In more specialized ultrasounds, however, and through consultations with specialists at Vanderbilt University, we have found that Lil’ B has an “encephalocele” –which is not her major problem–but also is missing 90% of her brain (her major problem.) The first specialist said Lil’ B would die within minutes of birth…the second specialist opined that she could live minutes, to hours, to days, to weeks to months, but most assuredly not as much as a year.
The Ram and I are disciplining our mind to accept any amount of time with her as a most treasured gift.
And, really, you know…none of us knows how much time we have with any of our loved ones. It’s an overdone quip, but true: “Every day is a gift…that’s why it’s called ‘The Present'”
Keep us in your prayers. We never know when the tears are going to sneak up–anything
and everything can trigger them. It’s sad to think that Lil A could very possibly begin her sweet life without the companion she’s shared a womb with for so many months…
[Amy and her husband prayerfully decided on a homebirth, with the support of their medical team and midwife.]
A few weeks ago, when I was driving home alone from my high level ultrasound,
the sky opened up and rained like crazy. I had already been crying as I drove along, grieving over Baby B’s severe birth defect. Somehow, the rain was a comfort–as if God were weeping along with me. Suddenly, the thought hit me, “He’s given me a rainbow! Where is it??” Though the rain was pouring down, I started looking for that beautiful sign. It took some time, but finally I found my rainbow. It was behind me. It could have been there a long time before I found it, I just had to stop driving so I could look harder. I was immediately filled with such peace. I felt God pouring out His Comfort on me. The Holy
Spirit had filled our van and I was overcome with gratitude to my Lord. Now, it might seem strange to some how I could be feeling gratitude when a doctor had just told me that one of my precious, beloved babies was going to die. I really can’t explain it. The Bible calls it “peace that passes understanding.” It certainly passed *my* understanding, so there’s no way I could explain it to anyone else, LOL! The thing I was rejoicing in was not that my baby was sick, but that the Lord is The LORD. He *is* in control. He *is* merciful. He *is*
good–ALL the time. Who am I to expect to understand HIS ways? Personally, I do not *want* a God whom I fully understand. I need a God so much bigger than me, that I know any problem I have is infinitely smaller than Him. His wisdom is way deeper than I can comprehend.
That rainbow was like a hug from God. We are being refined like silver in fire. It hurts…but I trust my Lord. We don’t know what the Lord plans for our little Baby B–or Baby A or any of our Lambs for that matter–but we know He loves us and will carry us through all our
I have felt such a warmth around me. I know we have a lot left to face–and we don’t really even know what the near future will entail–but I definitely believe The Lord is in control and will never let us down.
Monday evening, we had a prenatal appointment and then ultrasound. Baby A weighs 8 pounds already! We suspect Lil B weighs about the same, but the sonographer couldn’t really do his calculations because of the severe hydrocephalus. This Sonographer Extraordinaire was able to find the fissure in her skull that has caused the encephalocele. Sadly, it appeared to me that her brain deformity has actually worsened.
Baby A is hale and hearty. 🙂 Her head is low and ready to go. We can hardly wait to get our hands on her and her sis.
I’m doing well. Praying that labor starts before long.
Sunday, Nov. 26: Hannah Ruth was born at 2:05 p.m. weighing 8lbs 12oz
Charity Promise was born at 3:05 p.m. weighing 9lbs 3oz
Charity Promise went to Jesus’ arms around 5:30 p.m.
Tuesday, Nov. 28: We had a small memorial service for Charity
I will tell you, though we only had her a couple hours, I wouldn’t trade those precious moments for anything in the world. That time was worth every minute of my head hung over the toilet, every groan I uttered while trying to turn over in bed there at the end, every contraction that nearly pushed me over the edge, every discomfort I’ve experienced over the last 9 months. What joys I would have missed out on if I’d never known Charity Promise.