(go back to 26 weeks)
December 10, 2009- I took a pregnancy test that was positive, I scheduled my 1st check up with my Dr. who confirmed i was pregnant the following week and gave me a due date of August 14, 2010. The happiest day of my life! I told my family with a picture of an ultrasound on a Christmas card. I had a small amount of spotting on New Years and went back to the Dr. who did an ultrasound and everything was completely normal. At around 12 weeks I had a leak of some fluid, I assumed I had just pee’d on myself, which was not abnormal in this pregnancy since i had back surgery the year prior and was told that pregnancy would have this affect on me! The next appointment was to hear the heartbeat at 13 weeks. The Dr. could not find the heartbeat so he did an ultrasound, that is when we found out I had no amniotic fluid around the baby. He sent us to have another ultrasound and then to a specialist. This was very hard for us to understand. Even harder to understand was that the Dr. told us that the most likely cause of the lack of fluid was because our little baby did not have kidneys. They gave us the choice to wait it out or to have an abortion, this abortion would have had to have been done at a normal abortion clinic because I was not far enough along to have it medically done. So we decided that we would put our faith in God and see what was in store for us. I went back for ultrasounds every 2-4 weeks and every time everything seemed normal, the baby had a good heartbeat, the placenta and umbilical cord, the weight, the length- everything- was normal except there was no fluid.They even saw both kidneys on the ultrasound and renal tissue! We were told each time that it would most likely end in a miscarriage with in the next few weeks. These were the hardest days of my life(at that point anyway). After months more of waiting and having everything stay the same, it finally happened, only at 26 weeks it is referred to as a stillborn. I woke up on the morning of May 12, 2010 to contractions,
this being my first pregnancy I was not sure that was it. I called my Dr. and went in to be checked. He sent me straight to the labor and delivery floor where just about 5 hours later Chandler Drake was stillborn. We are not sure at this point what happened, we are waiting on test results. He was the most beautiful baby boy, 2.04 pounds, 13 inches long, a head full of dark brown hair, big bushy eyebrows and blue eyes! I was devistated but tried my hardest to be strong. My heart broke when they came in and told me they could not get a heartbeat, then they dressed his tiny body and brought him to me. At just 26 weeks gestation, I was amazed by how good he looked! It was not how i expected. He was just a tiny baby, precious little angel! I kept him with me for a while and my family came in to see him and sime held him. My heart melted just looking at him and I knew right away that my life would never be the same. Nothing could have prepared me, my husband, or family and friends for his death! Nothing can take his memory away from us and I am sharing his story with you to be sure that he is remembered! He will always be my baby, my mini Rob (He looked just like his daddy). And I am and will always be his MOTHER! I have not gone back to work yet. I try to fill my days with lots of things to keep from going crazy. However as soon as I come home and it is quiet and empty I start to think about the what ifs and would could have been. There is nothing that can be said or done to ease the pain and I’m told that it will get easier in time. That precious little boy has changed my life in so many ways, and I can only hope that it will make me a better person. I am extremely grateful for my family and friends for helping me through this, for listening when I need to talk, for helping me in so many ways that they will never even know!