Start Here

If you are miscarrying right now, or have just found out that when your pregnancy is over your baby will likely not survive, this website is the right place for you.

I am so very sorry.

I pray that this website will help you to:

  • learn a little bit about the kind of pregnancy loss you are having
  • learn about your baby’s most recent development in the womb
  • be able to see an actual picture of a baby that is the same size as yours (only if you wish).  For greater accuracy, choose the age that your baby last measured at.
  • be able to read about another parent who lost their baby at the same age as yours (only if you wish).  You can also do this by viewing the listing of weeks in the right sidebar of the screen, followed by other groups of stories, such as stories from dads, stories of parents of multiples, and those from parents of children with a fatal diagnosis.
  • learn more about the kinds of birth methods you might have for your baby
  • find ways to make the birth of your miscarried or stillborn baby meaningful
  • consider including a professionally trained Stillbirthday Bereavement Doula (SBD) in your birth plans.  Our doulas offer emotional and physical support prior to, during and after the birth of your miscarried or stillborn baby. You can also view a list of professionals who chose to list their names here at stillbirthday to provide support in the capacity of bereavement photographers, post loss lactation professionals, and more, all available in your state or online.
  • explore farewell celebrations that will help you grieve in a healthy way
  • come back to this site later, to utilize long term support services and resources listed here, and when you’re ready, to share your story, if you wish.  You are always welcome back.

Start Here

All of the links you need are listed at the top of the page; however, everything listed above has also been arranged in a way that will allow you to just click different options on each page and be taken to the specific path of information that is right for you, and will answer everything listed above in an easy to understand order.  All you have to do is click the Start Here link, and we will walk through this together.  You can do this.  Let’s do this together.


(Important disclaimer:  this is an informational site only, and should not be used to diagnose or treat any medical condition. Please consult your healthcare provider for medical information.) Because this is not a medical website, we passionately strive to provide you with explanations that are sensitive and personal and not bound by medical terminology.


If you have lost your baby at any time in the past, this website is right for you.  I pray that you will be able to find healing and inspirational expressions of love for your child and closure to the grief.  I pray that you will be able to reach out to other hurting parents by sharing your story with us.  If you have had a “rainbow baby”, meaning you’ve given birth to a live baby subsequent to a pregnancy or infant loss, we’d love to add your story to the getting pregnant again section, to offer hope to other parents, and invite you to view our subsequent pregnancy support section. Additionally, if you are pregnant now, and have had a loss at any time in the past, we have a section of helpful resources for you.

If you are the father of a miscarried or stillborn baby, your feelings and experiences are just as real and valid as the mother’s.  We have a small but growing section of resources specific to pregnancy loss support for dads.

If you are a friend or a loved one to someone losing a baby, this website is right for you.  I pray that you will be able to explore positive, constructive ways to support your loved one, as well as find healing and support for your own grieving heart.  Thank you so very much for being here.

If your baby has died shortly after birth (neonatal death), including SIDS or fatal diagnosis, this website is right for you.  I pray you will be able to explore all of your postpartum options here, including lactation decisions, funeral planning, and fertility decisions such as trying to conceive again.  You are also invited to share your story, and it will be held in the Newborn story section, which also includes fatal diagnosis.

If you are a professional or volunteer interested in supporting families through loss, bless you.  I pray this website will allow you to have a glimpse of what pregnancy loss is like, so that you can cultivate respectful empathy and a loving, servant heart toward broken hearted parents.  You also need support through grief, so please visit our Provider Care section, where you come first.  Thank you so very much for being here.

The creator of stillbirthday is also a pregnancy loss doula and the mother of a miscarried baby.  To learn more about her story, you can visit the message from the site creator.

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We Do Remember You

Review and Giveaway!

“We Do Remember You” is a children’s book, written by Steve Butler, who is a chaplain at Caldwell Hospice and Palliative Care, an Associate Chaplain through the Association of Professional Chaplains, an ordained minister in the United Church of Christ, as well as a stillbirthday mentor – but most importantly, Steve is Jamie and Alexandra’s grandfather.

“We Do Remember You” is a Mom’s Choice Awards winner, and serves to elaborate on “A Letter From Heaven“, also written by Steve Butler.

In “We Do Remember You”, Steve takes us through the beauty and perfection of Heaven, what it might be like for the children who live there, and the similarities between Heaven and the beautiful places we create here on earth to help us remember those babies in Heaven.

This is a precious children’s book, designed to help generate ideas for parents to help our living children learn about their deceased siblings, discover healthy traditions and rituals to honor them, and to learn what Heaven is like.

In the most gentle way, this book even addresses babies who die who had not felt loved or wanted on earth, and how they too, enter Heaven, and receive the same unconditional love as anyone else.

From wind chimes to gardens to prayers, this book goes through several opportunities to help inspire parents to create healthy traditions and memories as they teach their living children about their siblings who are already in Heaven.

At the close of this book, there are resource listings of popular pregnancy and infant loss support websites (prior to the creation of stillbirthday, I might mention, so we’re not listed there), as well as special prayers and poems to remember our babies.


In honor of the close of our first year, we are offering this book as a giveaway to you.

My precious baby in Heaven, no matter how I have been blessed, distracted, overwhelmed, or marvelled at where stillbirthday has led me, my family, and all those who have been a part of this work, I don’t forget.  We don’t forget.  “We Do Remember You.”

To be entered in this giveaway, simply respond by linking one of your most favorite remembrance songs that has helped you in your grief.  A random person will be selected to win an autographed copy of  “We Do Remember You”.  The winner will be announced here on September 1.

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Stepping Forward

My miscarried baby was born April 19, 2011.

It was immediate, the conviction to do something to help other families not feel as alone and ill-prepared as we were.  My husband, a normally stoic, very private man, confirmed my desires and agreed that we needed to put our very personal experience to use to help others.

It was just that overwhelming.

As we both privately grieved, I began to look into building a website for pregnancy loss support.  I had an idea in mind, and I even quickly found an amazing blog designer.  What’s more, is she provides discounts specifically for bereaved parents!  It was perfect.

I began emailing her and tossing her my ideas.  No, I mean, I had scribbles on random pieces of paper.  Scribbles with boxes and arrows and thought bubbles and dashes and lines crossed out and things written over other things.

I took these notes, scanned them into my computer, and sent them to her.

It was that bad.

See?  SEE?  I’d ask her.  Can we do this?  Can we do this too?  Or this instead?

Sure,” she’d patiently reply.  “We  can do these things.  When would you like to get started?”

Umm…… silence.

I didn’t have the money I needed to invest in the things I wanted.

So, after all of that, I had to tell her that I wasn’t ready to get started.

Yes, yes.  I looked that foolish.

But then, many of you know about the fateful July night, and the voice that woke me up to get started.  I began a free blog, and, just did what I could (and I have loved the response).

So, from April to July, I waited.  Biting my lips, feeling the strain mount.  How many mothers endured loss feeling alone, not knowing even the tiny fragments of wisdom I have gleaned through my own loss?  The pressure was building.

I worked steadily, for nearly a week.  Every night, tucking the kiddos to sleep, starting a pot of coffee, and plugging things into the website.  I was going so fast that even today I still find new things I wrote in.  I was plain moved by the Holy Spirit.  That’s all there is to it.

So, August 1, 2011, I presented stillbirthday to the world.

And as I’ve wept over stories and wanted to jump through my computer to hug a mama a thousand different times, I’ve come to see that stillbirthday was a place for me to visit my son.  A place for me to enter into, and grieve.

Now, a year later, we have grown so much.  We have even more programs and now, we have the money to make the changes to the site.

For the past several days, I’ve been working with Franchesca Cox from Small Bird Studios.

No, no I haven’t actually been working with her.  She’s been tirelessly presenting amazing ideas and crafting beautiful details into a wonderful new website, and I’ve been catching my breath, oohing and ahhing, cheering right out loud – complete with an energetic fist pump – I’m that dorkish, and piece by piece, Fran is leading me away from this format of stillbirthday and inviting me into a new place.

She has handled stillbirthday with such respect, such loving care, and such talent.  More and more, I am ready to let go of what we have now to embrace something I believe will be even more powerful and special.

It is my deepest desire that you feel the same.

So, I’d like to help guide you, too, into the first steps of the new stillbirthday.

Here are some of the things you can expect to see soon:

  • we will still be!  So, even though things will be different, we’ll all still be at
  • There will be a forum.  This is the biggest thing for me.  Currently stillbirthday utilizes Facebook for private groups.  While we will continue to keep those groups open for now, we will eventually be stepping out of Facebook and into stillbirthday.   We will have a special group just for Love Cupboard Coordinators, one for mentors, one for doulas listed with stillbirthday, one for SBD students, then after the students pass they will transfer to a group for SBD professionals, and we will have groups for the stillbirthday moms and dads as well.
  • There are easy buttons to pass along to help others.  I’ve recently added the tabs “before birth” “during birth” and “after birth” as quick references to show all of the ways to support a mother during these times.  Well, these are accented at the new site for even better visibility.
  • There will be a chat box to help new stillbirthday parents and visitors find what they are looking for.  I mean, stillbirthday has a TON of information.  Sometimes having a little help to find what you’re looking for can be valuable.
  • Sponsors will have much better visibility.
  • There will be better visibility and recognition to the very special people who have helped stillbirthday.  There will also be a few “job openings” for stillbirthday parents to volunteer and fill.
  • The coloring, the format, the details, are all very special and personally and intentionally chosen by the professionally talented Franchesca Cox.
  • There’s so much more, but isn’t that enough to get you excited???

I am so excited for our transition.  I am ready to step forward into a beautiful stillbirthday, very soon.  Come, join me.



Posted in all | 2 Comments

Honoring Angels Like Owen

Told by: Wendy

The story of H.A.L.O. began early on Saturday morning, October 29, 2011. We were expecting our little angel, Owen Wood. Labor began early that morning. I became anxious and went into my kitchen. While timing my contractions and waiting until it was time to call the doctor, I stood in my kitchen and decided to load some dishes in the dishwasher. All of a sudden, a horrible contraction not like the others, came and it did not relent. I lifted my shirt and could see my belly in a tight knot. There was no relief. I knew there was trouble. I am an RN with OB/GYN experience. I knew that this was a sign of a placental abruption. I began frantically trying to get Owen to move for Mommy. He would not move. I told my husband that it was time to go to the hospital and I called them. We woke our other two boys, Jeffrey, 13 and Jackson, 8. I did not tell my husband or my children what I knew in my heart to be true. I did not want to believe that Owen was gone. I wanted to hold on to hope. I just could not be the one to give them this heartbreaking news. Daddy and the boys were running around excitedly loading the bags into the car that I had packed two weeks earlier in anticipation of Owen’ s arrival. Within 15 minutes of the contraction that began our nightmare, the pain was excruciating. I became very ill. We dropped our kids around the corner at my sister’s house. Jeffrey looked up at his daddy as he went inside and said, “Daddy, Owen is coming today!” He was smiling big. My husband ran back and jumped in the car and drove quickly to the hospital. It seemed to take hours. In my mind I was praying that maybe there was some chance that I was 10 centimeters dilated and he was coming quickly. I had epidurals with both of my other boys. I knew in my heart that was not what was happening. I tried to have hope. We finally arrived and a nurse wheeled me up to the Labor and Delivery floor as my hubby parked the car. Later, I find out that he ran excitedly through the parking lot smiling ear to ear. He was so happy he would soon be holding his new little son. After I was dressed in the hospital gown and my husband arrived in the room, the nurse began to hook me up to the monitor that detects the baby’s heartbeat. I asked her to wait. I asked her to check me first. You see, I so dreaded that moment that I knew was coming. I knew there would be no heartbeat. I was hoping for a miracle. I wanted her to check me and say that I was fully dilated and he was coming! I felt so alone. All of this was going on in my head and I still had not told my husband that I knew something was wrong. He was standing at the foot of the bed so excited…So happy. She checked me and said the dreadful words, “You are only one centimeter”. For me, that was the worst thing she could say. For my husband, it seemed like a normal conversation. She then placed the heart monitor on my belly and all we heard was ……………………… Silence. She knew and I knew. She tried to be calm and search for it. I pushed her hand away and asked her to stop. I just could not bear the silence. My husband still had not caught on. The doctor came in with an ultrasound and began to look. Again, Nothing. I know this doctor very well. He is so gentle. He looked me straight in the eyes and said, “Wendy, I know you know what is happening here…………”. That was the worst moment in all my life! My heart was ripped out! And at that moment, I began to scream to my husband, “NAY, Nay, He’s gone!!! Owen is gone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”. He was in total shock! He threw his hands up in the air and then grabbed his face and went down to his knees. I will never, ever forget! At that point, things began to happen very rapidly, yet slowly. I felt like everyone around me was on a merry-go-round and I was watching, trying my best to get on. What had happened to my sweet little “O” was the placenta completely and prematurely detached from the uterine wall. In an instant he lost all of his life support. I was gravely ill, as I was hemorrhaging internally. I developed a condition called DIC. Disseminated intravascular coagulation (DIC) is a serious disorder in which the proteins that control blood clotting become abnormally active. I had to have an emergency cesarean section and ended up in the ICU. My life was touch and go for a while, but I was spared. I will not take that for granted. Owen Wood arrived at 7:03 am. My maiden name is his middle name. He weighed 8 lbs. 1 oz. and was 21 inches long. He had a head full of dark wavy hair. He was absolutely perfect in every way! He was gorgeous! Our hearts sank as we had to tell our other boys that Owen had passed away. They arrived at the hospital with such joy and anticipation on their faces. They knew that they were going to meet their baby brother that day. They were crushed. I will never forget their little faces. Their expressions were windows into their broken hearts. They lost all their hopes, dreams, and plans the second those dreadful words left their daddy’s mouth. “Boys, we lost Owen.” They began to scream and cry and pace the floor. Jeffrey and Jackson were delighted to finally meet their precious little brother who they had waited so long to see. They held him and loved on him. Our family spent four days bonding with Owen, creating memories and recording them with photos and videos that we will have to cherish forever. This may seem like an extended amount of time to spend with our child, but this is all we will ever have in this life. Taking this time to allow each member of the family to bond with our baby and to create and record memories with him was of utmost importance. We are so thankful that we took the time to do that. It has most certainly facilitated in our healing process to have that time and those memories to cling to. I guess, if I really think about it, the story behind H.A.L.O. actually began many years ago. Most of my experience as an RN is in the area of postpartum. I have been the nurse caring for mamas and their babies in similar situations. I have always held a special place in my heart for these babies and their families. I have always been an advocate for ensuring that these mamas and families have the proper time and chance for bonding with their sweet babies. Since December 2009 I have been a stay at home mom. Ironically, on my last day of employment, I took care of a lady in a similar situation. Two years later, I became a lady on the other side of the hospital bed. Owen’ s life, although brief, has a mighty purpose. We believe all babies who slip away from us too soon have a grand purpose here on earth. His purpose lives on in his absence. My husband and I decided even before leaving the hospital that we would definitely be doing something to help others that would honor our precious Owen. He is our heart and he is the heart of H.A.L.O. We are Owen’s voice. He is a member of our family and will forever be a member of our family. We will include him in every way we can for as long as we live on this earth. When I was pregnant with that sweet boy, I dedicated his life to the Lord and asked Him to use Owen’ s life in mighty ways to glorify Him and His kingdom. I was thinking he might grow up to be a preacher. God had different plans, bigger plans! Our God did not take our little boy. Death for all of us is a result of the fallen and sinful world we live in. Because of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, we will live eternally in glory with our Owen!

John 3:16 New International Version (NIV) For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. ~Wendy Blakley

Posted in 38 weeks, 39 weeks, 40 weeks | Leave a comment

Raekwon’s Mom

Told by: Nikisha

A week and a half before my due date I am getting excited that I am about to bring my firstborn child into the world. The only thing on my mind is making sure everything is in place so that when he comes I will not have to worry about buying anything else. I just had a baby shower at work a week or two before so everything was really coming together. It is Monday morning and I am scheduled for a routine weekly prenatal checkup. Everything looked good even though it took the doctor a couple of minutes to find the heartbeat I then mention that the baby did not move as often as he used to. The doctor did not say anything about it he just kept looking for his heartbeat and he finally found it. Three days later I am woken up by a sharp pain and I thought I was going to start having contractions but nothing else happened and I went back to sleep. The next morning I went to my scheduled ultrasound with the father of my baby. I was excited because this would be the first time he would see the ultrasound since he was out to sea for the latter part of my pregnancy. The ultrasound technician started looking at the baby everything looked good and then she made it to his heart and she looked at it for a minute and then said she would be right back. My heart started sinking because I knew something was wrong since she left in the middle of the ultrasound. After a few minutes my doctor and his nurse came in and the doctor took a look at the ultrasound and then he told us the bad news that my baby died. Sitting there in shock not knowing what to think, feel, say, or do the doctor tells me to go into an exam room. Still in shock we go into the exam room and the tears start to fall and the nurse consoles me. The doctor examines me to see if I had dilated any and I was almost two centimeters dilated. He then proceeds to tell me the procedure of things to come. We then schedule an induction to start at midnight. I am silently praying and bargaining with God to perform a miracle. I check in the hospital at midnight and at 9:45pm I give birth to Raekwon Kemel. As they are cleaning him off I am praying silently for God to give my baby life. I was able to hold him the entire three days I was in the hospital as often as I wanted to. I could not hold him too long because he was cold and they did not want his body to warm up too much. An experience I will never forget. The years after Raekwon’s death I suffered with a deep dark depression and turned away from God because I did not understand why He was allowing this to happen to me. After about five years of being sad I was flipping through the channels and came across this preacher and what he was saying applied to my life and that was the new beginning to my renewed faith.

Posted in 38 weeks | Leave a comment

Wherever she is, I am

Told by: Porsha

April 1st, I spent the entire day with my kids that day, laid on the floor with Miss Peyton, watched her smile. Preston and Kenley laid on the floor next to us and gave their baby doll kisses, and lots of them. Peyton was so full of life that entire day and night, trying to roll over, to follow her brother and sister around. Smiles, lots and lots of smiles. I put Peyton to bed that night, held her, gave her lots of kisses, wrapped her up in her frog blanket, she took her arms out. Laid in her bed until she drifted off to sleep. Before falling asleep that night I gave all of my kids a kiss before I drifted off to sleep. April 2nd, I wake up only to find that Peyton was gone. Her lifeless body lay there. My world fell apart, and I died, right there, in that moment. I tried to do everything I could to save her, but it was too late. The police came, and I pleaded for help to bring my little girl back, God please don’t fail me now, bring her back. The police officer looked at me, and shook her head; it was too late. My little girl, so full of life, beautiful smiles, so much to learn, so much to live for, lay there, lifeless. No more. No one will ever understand the impact that very second had on my entire life. I died with her. Where ever she is, I am. A Pastor came to the house, as if I cared.. What did he think he could do for me? The next day was filled with the songs we wanted sung, the words we wanted shared, to sum up her life in a small paragraph.. Then it came time to go talk to the cemetery. What casket did I want, where was she to be buried, what flowers, what music, pictures, what was she to wear.. All far too soon to deal with. April 5th, 2012, beautiful day outside, it was Peyton’s wake. I cried the whole way there, this couldn’t be real. I needed to wake up. Walking up the steps to the chapel, looking at the pictures of her, waiting, dreading my reality. I see her tiny pink casket sitting on the table. I can’t go in there, I need to turn around, to leave, to wake up, this couldn’t be my reality. This is hell. I gather up the courage to walk down the aisle to see my baby girl. At the moment, no one else existed. WHY? Why did you take her from me? Why not someone else? Why not me? I would have gladly taken her place. Why? I lost it. I reached down and set my head on her chest. I kissed her. God, please just bring her back, I know she is going to wake up, please let her wake up, everything is going to be okay. I don’t remember much of anything other than my Brother giving me a big hug. We were offered the chance to hold her, I was unsure at first, but I am so glad that we did. I sat with her the entire time, rarely left her side, and if I did, it was only for a moment. April 6th, Good Friday, the last time I would ever see Peyton. We got there early, extra early, I decided to hold her, the entire time, it would be the last time I ever see her. Hours felt like minutes, there wasn’t enough time. I didn’t much care to hear about God, or the singing, or talking, I was focused on Peyton. Kissing her, hugging her, making sure she knew how much we loved her. I spent a lot of time holding her hand, which was warm. I knew she was there with me. I remember that before the service started on Friday, I was holding her, and Amanda was fixing Peyton’s make-up, people were crying on her.. As I was looking at Peyton, a tear fell from her eye, a real tear. My world crumbled, again. It was time to put Peyton to sleep. One. Last. Time. I wasn’t ready to let her go. This wasn’t real, wake me up, please God take away tis nightmare. My reality set in again. One Sweet Day- Mariah Carey. Matt and I walked up to put Peyton in her tiny pink casket. The chapel was silent other than the music. I kissed her one last time, and we said goodbye. Matt, Bryan, Bud, and Christopher carried her away. That was the last time I seen Peyton. I keep reliving this hell, these horrible days. Without my Mom, Brother, Grandma, Uncles, Aunts, and friends I wouldn’t have gotten through those 5 days. I want to thank everyone for everything they have done during these 3 months. I just wanted to share some things with you, so you can start to possibly understand where I am coming from, I do not mean to push anyone away, and I have a long road ahead of me. Every day is a struggle. Every single day. There is not one second that goes by that Peyton isn’t on my mind. I love and miss her so much that it hurts.


Posted in Child Death (newborn to adulthood) | Leave a comment

Noah Brought Shelter

Told by: Michelle

I came across this site a few days ago and it really helped me get through this difficult time.. My story…….. We were so excited, we were going to a private gender scan booked at 16 weeks; I couldn’t wait to find out what we were having.  However, things didn’t go to plan the sonographer gave us the terrible news that our baby had died 2 weeks before.  Heartbroken and in a daze we left there to await the hospital to call us to make the necessary arrangements (the sonographer phoned them to let them know and give my details). It was only a few hours after that they called and asked us to go straight in. The staff were so kind.  I felt overwhelmed by it all.  We had to have another scan so they could confirm the baby had died; this had to be done by 2 sonographers, and I was devastated having to look at my baby asleep and not moving so many times. After all the scans,chats etc I was given 3 options to remove the baby.  I chose the medical management so I was given a tablet and told to come back in 2 days. I was so scared and didn’t know what to expect,this was when I came across this site.  It was so helpful having pictures of baby’s born any various times as I at least had an idea as to what to expect our baby to look like. We returned to the hospital where they inserted the tablets to help open my cervix,it wasn’t long before the pain tore through me like mini contractions. My baby boy (Noah) was born a few hours later,I couldn’t bear to look at him at this point as I just completely lost it and was sobbing uncontrollably. We buzzed for the nurse who clamped the cord and took baby Noah away.  We asked about seeing him after, but she advised us not to, saying that he didn’t look great as he’d died 2 weeks ago etc, but after seeing the pictures on here I felt I was able to cope and that I needed to see my son.  When she brought him in to us I was surprised because he didn’t look horrible at all.  My little angel was perfect,tiny but perfect.  I sat and held him mesmerized by his tiny hands and feet, looking at his beautiful mouth which almost looked like a smile, tiny nose and ears.  It was a really special moment and I’m so glad that I saw our baby.  I didn’t think I would cope seeing him but it gave me a sense of peace and happiness in a strange way. After we called the nurse to take Noah I was then left to wait for the placenta to deliver as it wouldn’t come out; this is where it all went wrong.

The placenta came out half way but even after having the allowed amount of tablets(don’t know what they were called but was to help deliver everything and keep contractions going) I started to bleed heavily and ended up feeling funny then passing out. My poor partner was worried sick.  I don’t remember much from this point but when I came round enough to realize I had actually been moved to another ward and had 2 canulas fitted 1 in each arm for fluids and medication.  I left drifting in and out for a few hours and my partner told me that I had every medical person on the ward in my room plus other doctors they had called.  I can’t begin to imagine how scared my partner was, but he was brilliant all throughout my ordeal.  After a few hours I began to feel normal again and just wanted to go home, but I ended up having to stay to be observed. Doctors were baffled why I went funny but put it down to a mix of the stress of the day plus a reaction to all the medication I’d had and a temperature I developed. I was allowed home the next morning and I really felt that this site had really helped me through a difficult time and dispite the trauma it wasn’t as bad as I was expecting it to be.  I just wanted to share my story and I hope it helps someone like the stories and pictures on here helped me. I miss my angel baby so much.  We chose to have a post mortem to determine a cause as we had had 3 miscarriages previously but they were early on(we had a healthy baby boy after those three though). xx

Posted in 14 weeks, 15 weeks, 16 weeks, Infertility / Recurrent Loss | 1 Comment

Gage Makes Me Brave

Told by: Jennifer

“I am sorry but your baby no longer has a heartbeat.” At 15 weeks pregnant, I was shocked to hear those words. I had three previous pregnancies that resulted in healthy full term babies. Crying, I was led into a room for privacy. I called my husband and he said he would be there with our three children. We were told that we were going to have an artificial induction where I would go into labor and vaginally deliver my baby. We were scared because I had previously only had C-sections but the doctor said surgery was too risky for me. On that following Wednesday morning, I checked into the hospital with my husband. It took 34 hours, medicine and a balloon in my cervix but we finally had our son. He weighed 2.2 oz and was 5 1/2 in. He was so tiny but beautifully and perfectly formed. Today is one week. We buried him with his papaw untill I get my own plot. I will always miss and love my sweet baby. In memory of Gage Guerrero. 7-26-12

Posted in 15 weeks | Leave a comment


Review and Giveaway!

Sometimes sharing can be the loveliest thing to do.

Jill Markijohn of Jewelry by Jill often shares amazing items from her shop as giveaways.  On one such giveaway, Michelle Jones won the prize.  Michelle, a doula listed here with stillbirthday, felt prompted to share the item even further.   She has graciously passed along this beautiful piece so that another mother could treasure it.

This stunning Wrap Ring is made using Genuine Swarovski Crystals in Clear with an awareness ribbon made using Rose Pink and Light Blue Sapphire crystals to create the pink and blue awareness ribbon which represents pregnancy and infant loss (among other things).

This ring measures approximately 1/2″ at crystal portion and 1/4″ at band and is an approximate size 6 and 1/2 to 7.

This ring comes in a mesh drawstring bag and wrapped. Ready to be given as a gift, or just as a treat for you!

As Jill prepares to celebrate her daughter’s first birthday in the month of August, she also remembers the two children who shared a pregnancy with her little girl.

Jill’s daughter is a singleton survivor of triplets.

Jill says that it is her beautiful little girl who helps her endure the grief of losing two children, and she wants to know what helps you endure your grief.

To be entered in this giveaway, simply share with us in a comment below:

What is it that motivates you, inspires you, encourages you, as you endure your grief?

Posted in all, Giveaways | 9 Comments

The First Year

We’ve walked our first year at stillbirthday together.

We’ve endured quite a lot, me and all of you, and I am humbled and honored for the love and support I have received and have seen so many receive through stillbirthday.

To say thank you, some very special people have collaborated with me to offer special products and discounts through the entire month of August – some for everyone including all stillbirthday parents and visitors, and some just for the special people who have listed their services here.

Mel Scott is a stillbirthday mom to two babies – one born via miscarriage, and the other, Finley, who was born via emergency Cesarean birth after 41 weeks 5 days of an uncomplicated pregnancy.  The combined experiences have prompted Mel to make a difference in the lives of other grieving families.  What began as a community outreach, providing counsel to bereaved mothers in her local area, turned into a global effort to see the earliest steps of the journey of grief made properly supported by professionals who know how to capture memories for and with the hurting family.  Mel has run conferences to educate and inspire midwives, and was even nominated to run the Olympic flame.

She is also a part of our mentorship team.

Mel has also put her experiences and her heart into a book entitled “After Finley” which she has discounted for stillbirthday family and visitors.

Click the book to visit Mel’s website and read about her amazing book “After Finley”

After Finley, written by Mel Scott

$16 USD – contact Mel with your purchase information






While the grieving journey is a painful and even isolating one for mothers, extended family, siblings and the father can also feel isolated and tragically unsupported.  Steve Butler has a heart after God, and a heart to provide care in this gaping void.  With his two books “A Letter from Heaven” which is followed by “We Do Remember You”, Steve speaks to the needs of siblings, parents and grandparents as they try to piece their lives together after the loss of a child.  Both of his books have earned Mom’s Choice awards and several wonderful reviews from professionals both in and out of bereavement support.  Here, you can buy We Will Remember You for yourself and recieve a free copy for a friend or to donate to your local library!  Steve is an Associate Chaplain through the Association of Professional Chaplains, is an ordained minister in the United Church of Christ, and he is a bereaved grandfather.

He also serves as a member of our mentorship team.

Click the book to visit Steve’s website and learn about his wonderful books and services for grief support.

We Do Remember You, written by Steve Butler

Buy one get one free – contact Steve with your purchase information







Paulina “Polly” Perez, RN, BSN, FACCE has been an advocate for new mothers and families for over forty-five years.  Polly has helped establish the earliest family centered maternity care units, she has worked as a production assistant on films that teach families about family-centered childbirth, she has contributed to important Health Services education for pregnant families, and she teaches new mothers and families important pregnancy, childbirth and new family information, including emotional and sexual aspects of pregnancy and comprehensive birth preparation including Cesarean birth education.  Through her online business, she sells quality products that aid pregnant families and birth professionals in helping to facilitate safe and comfortable childbirth experiences.

Polly is internationally known for her care of the new family, and has earned the Association of Women’s Health, Obstetric and Neonatal Nurses (AWHONN) Award of Excellence, for her excellence in community service, education, practice and research.  Polly is also listed among the Outstanding  Young Women of America, Who’s Who in American Women and Who’s Who in American  Nursing.

One of Polly’s earliest professional experiences in particular has helped to shape the depth of her compassion and care for families enduring pregnancy loss.  She has since been an advocate for families enduring loss by speaking and training other professionals in the art of compassionate care.

Polly wrote the first book on the importance of labor assistants, and she honors all doulas listed at stillbirthday by inviting them to purchase this incredible, must-have book for a reduced rate.

Click the book to visit Polly’s extraordinary resources for labor and birth support.

Special Women, written by Polly Perez

20% off – contact Polly or her husband Eric with your purchase information

Available exclusively for all doulas listed at stillbirthday.  Please include the URL where you are listed when ordering.




Gena Kirby is on a mission. Gena wants moms to know what they are not being told and that they are not alone. On any given day she is either sharing information about gentle birth and parents right to informed consent on her radio program, or sharing tips on babywearing on her tv show. She might be at a new moms house delivering a breast pump from her store, and showing her the easiest way to pump. She may be blogging about the newest information on vbacs (vaginal birth after cesarean) or writting about non-violent parenting for a local magazine or syndicated blog. Gena is a tireless advocate for mothers, babies, parents and the people that love them.

Gena is a Doula, a childbirth educator, a La Leche League International Breastfeeding Peer Counselor, and a mother of three children under 7 years old. She serves on the Board of Directors of Attachment Parenting International and is the ex President of Texans for Midwifery, and is a member of the Central Texas Doula Association. She is also the founder of Austin Birth Advocates & is a member of numerous local advocacy groups.

Gena is also a doula listed at stillbirthday, providing support prior to, during and after births in any trimester.  In honor of stillbirthday, Gena is reducing the price of her beautiful and helpful e-book guide to rebozo use during labor and birth.

Click the book to visit Gena’s website and learn about her passion to help families during pregnancy, birth and early postpartum.

Comfort and Strength in Labor, a Rebozo Method e-book, photograph book by Gena Kirby

50% off (regularly $15.00) – you can order directly from her website






HeBrews Coffee is participating in the celebration of stillbirthday’s first year.  Providing delicious, gourmet coffee with loving words of encouragement and fun scriptural connections, HeBrews Coffee is a unique, comforting gift idea, for yourself and for a special friend.  HeBrews Coffee has partnered with stillbirthday by providing a $1 “donation” offer and now, through the month of August, they are offering a wonderful deal that will allow you to enjoy a bag of coffee for yourself while also sharing the joy and comfort of HeBrew’s quality coffee products with someone else.  Share some coffee with a loved one, only through stillbirthday and HeBrews Coffee.  Freeze it for a Christmas gift!

Click the cup of coffee to be taken to Hebews Coffee shop.

Coffee for everyone – all stillbirthday parents and visitors

Buy one bag get one bag free – contact Ron with your purchase information




As an incentive for stillbirthday moms to consider joining our team through our first ever bereavement doula training, Brandi from B’earth Angel online shop has offered a giveaway from her amazing collection of carefully handmade jewelry.   The winner of this fantastic opportunity is Mary Walsh, who will be able to choose one piece (maximum value $30.00) from Brandi’s beautiful collection.

Click the necklace to visit Brandi’s extraordinary pregnancy and birth jewelry.

SBD doula registration winner- Mary Walsh

One free $30 gift certificate – contact Brandi with your selection







Thank you everyone, for walking this path with me.  This year has been an overwhelming one.  I have wept over your stories.  I have touched the computer screen at photos of your beautiful children, wishing  you could have them back, wondering what they look like in Heaven.  I have prayed for you.  And I have stumbled on my own journey, with the enemy attacking my efforts to bring hope and healing to even my own loss.  Thank you for trusting me with the most intimate details of your experiences.  Thank you for sharing your grief with one another so that you can help show one another where and how to just take one more step.  Thank you for allowing me to hold your babies and their stories here.  Thank you for your patience and your love for me as I too, assimilate my loss and try to make sense of life as a bereaved parent.  Each one of you blesses me, more than I can say.

I miss you, baby C.  I miss you so much.  It is impossible to run back to you.  So I walk patiently forward on this path I see, knowing that up ahead, around the bend, just out of my sight, you are there.  Maybe you’re dangling from a tree.  Maybe your biggest brother is right, and Jesus is pushing you on a swing, as your Great Grandpa swings next to you.  Maybe the three of you are laughing together.  I will catch up to you someday, my child, but the path leading me to that day is an important one, one without a shortcut, filled with so much opportunity to share, to give, and to grow.  As I guide your siblings into adulthood, they too look forward to the day they can meet you.  Someday, just around the bend, just up ahead.  We’ll be there with you, my child.

Here’s one more step, moving forward, moving closer together.

Posted in all, Giveaways | Leave a comment

I Will Smile

Told by: Desiree

My husband and I have been married 7 years and I was expecting our third baby, boy #3. I’ll admit taking care of two other children was keeping me pretty distracted and I didn’t spend as much time enjoying my pregnancy as I wish I could have. At 35 weeks, I went in for my regular OB appointment only to have my doctor express concern at my baby’s 120 heartrate–clearly not in distress, but slower than expected. Once I was being monitored, they realized I was also having regular contractions. For four hours they worked to stop the contractions and assure themselves that my baby was, in fact, ok. I ran out of the hospital as soon as they would let me to relieve my overburdened babysitter. How could I know it would be the last opportunity to save my unborn son? Two days later, my parents were in town, doing a practice overnight with my kids to prepare for when I would actually deliver. We toured around, getting them acquainted with the city we had just moved to. Went to dinner and then stayed up gabbing after putting our boys to bed. I vividly remember snacking on a chocolate bar and later as I was getting ready for bed, realized that my baby hadn’t kicked or moved or done anything to show he’d just had a ton of late night sugar, courtesy of me. Then I realized I couldn’t remember the last time he moved at all–not at dinner, not in the afternoon, not that morning. Further back, I kept searching my memory–nothing… I told my husband not even trying to hide my worry. At non-stress tests they always use a loud buzzer sound to wake up a calm baby, so I asked my husband to yell at my stomach. He said he felt stupid doing that, but with unmasked panic I told him to “Just do it! Just yell at my stomach!” Reluctantly, “WAKE UP!” Not a jerk, a stretch, nothing. Our “practice run” turned into the real thing as my husband and I got dressed and told my parents we were off to the Emergency Room. I remember all the anxiety as the ER staff kept telling me to sit down. With my huge stomach they didn’t realize I wasn’t having a baby. I wanted to yell at all of them that early delivery was NOT my problem! Of course the first step is took hook up the monitor. Slow minutes passed as the nurse kept searching for a heartbeat. I think even she was surprised, despite my explanation that I couldn’t feel my baby. Obstetrics is an optimistic and generally very joyful practice. Not even the professionals are well-prepared for death. Next came the sonographer. Long faces looked at me and at the monitor (which was carefully faced away from me) and I recall the tech wishing me and my husband a good night. Could he really be serious? The man had just confirmed the death of my baby! After two previous pregnancies, my husband could understand the ultrasound without a doctor’s interpretation. We were sobbing even before the doctor began to explain what our options now were. In spite of my contractions just two days earlier, my body did not respond to any of the labor-inducing options. I cannot describe the suffering that comes over you in such intense waves while you wait to deliver your dead child. I did reach the conclusion, however, that many brave things happen in this world, not because someone has more courage than another, only that they are backed into a corner without any other choices. Sometimes, my eyes quietly dripped tears. Sometimes, my body was wracked with sobbing. Sometimes I slept, but mostly I didn’t want to miss any of the final minutes I would have with this child. I wanted to be alert for all of it. We called our parents, gathered information on grieving. We made a list of everything we wanted to be able to do with our child, all the family traditions and things we had done with our other boys. We notified a photographer, who volunteered her services and was willing to come any time, night or day. And then you wait. And you and your husband admit to each other that you’re frightened at the thought of holding a dead body. But then labor picked up and I got an epideral and then at 3:52am Sunday morning I delivered my son. He was big for 5 weeks early, 6 and half pounds, 18 and a half inches long. He was my easiest delivery, no tearing or episiotomy, no maternal complications. But that was small consolation. I was hysterical as they laid him on my stomach, yelling, “NO! NO!” My husband cut the cord. That horrible cord. The cord that was tied in a knot and wound around his small neck twice. How can we be so careful with the little ribbons that hold our babies’ binkies, but leave them unobserved and in close quarters with a long winding umbilical cord for 9 months? I could tell the doctor was relieved that he could give a definitive cause of death. Yet again, small consolation. Death by a knot is such a fluke, such an injustice. Just like any genetic birth defect or even a tubal pregnancy, I have no way to control preventing it in the future. These risks are always there, every pregnancy, but when “you lose a baby, you lose your innocence.” The moments after birth are hazy at best, but suddenly I was cooing at my baby, checking out his fingers and toes, stroking and kissing his face. All the walls of fear that I had spent my life building concerning death were obliterated in an instant. I spoke to him as if her were alive, I laughed as I told him how beautiful he was, how absolutely perfect. My husband bathed him, but I was grateful he did it in my room. I couldn’t bear the thought of letting my little one out of my sight. We diapered and dressed him and then the photographer began taking photos. I didn’t pay too much attention to her. I just cradled my baby. This was the first of my children to have my red hair. I rocked him and sang to him, I couldn’t stop. I kept stroking his lips, the desire to nurse him was almost overwhelming. As time went on, my touching became more invasive and took on the nature of memorizing details. I opened his eyes to memorize their color. I fingered his gums and touched his tongue. I looked at all his little private parts and laughed to discover his little bum had the same deep dimples as his older brother’s. After about 30 minutes, we asked the photographer to leave. We knew we needed as much time alone with our baby as possible. My husband gave our son a name and a blessing, according to our religious faith. We had a family prayer with our son. I wasn’t sure how I would ever be able to let him go. My husband and I just kept trading off holding our baby and crying. In time, my little boy’s fragile skin began to tear on his tummy and legs. His blood also began to settle, giving his skin a bruised appearance. At that point, it felt like I was hurting him to hold him any longer. I couldn’t cause him “pain” and we called in our nurse to take his little body to the morgue. I think we spent about 2 and a half hours with our sweet baby. Never enough time. One thing that keeps breaking my heart over and over is that we’re always walking away from my son. We left him at the hospital, at the funeral home, in the cemetery. So many partings, and yet, I don’t regret the choice to bury him. My baby needs a place to sleep and I need a place where I feel I can honor him and go to see him. Kian David Johns was born July 1, 2012. My living children require that I keep moving through this, that I keep living on with them. My husband and I are learning that grief makes you strong, not because of a short-lived, intense effort, but by the daily working through of painful, difficult feelings over years and years. I’ve spoken with so many with similar experiences and I have faith in my future and the future of my family. My sadness will not hurt like this forever. I will smile as I think of my son, and my children will know they have a brother in heaven.

Posted in 35 weeks | 2 Comments